Nothing smutty(ok, maybe a bit smutty)
heres one to start
A German tourist is wandering through Soho, and he decides to spend some time with a young lady. He choose a girl and after agreeing a price, he follows her to her flat. Once inside he says "I am just ze little bit kinky..I vish you to vear zese! on your hands and feet and bounce on them round ze room" and he produces 4 coil springs much like those found on a car's suspension.
The girl looks puzzled but agrees. Then He produces a Duck call whistle, and says "Please blow this also!"
So the Girl bounces round the room on all fours, blowing the duck call, and the german vigourosly pursues and makes love to her several times during the course of the next hour. They both finally drop from exhustion, and she says " That is no doubt the best sex EVER..what do you call that?
(Ready??)
(Are you sure??)
four sprung duck technique

Dave